Thoughts
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Support System Gone
Jul 24th
Today my mom and my sister left.
T, the boys and I stood in the front yard to say our good byes to them. The boys were upset. My mom and sister were teary eyed and all I could manage was to give them a hug a choke out a quiet “thank you.”
I couldn’t even watch them load up into their car. They were leaving and driving the 9 hours back to their home. I knew they wouldn’t be here to see Baby Girl when she came. I knew they wouldn’t be here to help with the boys during delivery. I knew now that it was just T and me. I turned away as they walked toward their cars headed back into the house and straight up to the shower. I cried and cried in the sanctuary of the shower for a very long time. A long enough time where my thoughts turned from feeling like I some how let my family down by not having the baby yet to feeling helpless and worried about logistics and then finally back to feeling guilty because of all the water that I was using to drown out my tears. When you start thinking about Al Gore and his power point it is time to get out of the shower.
The rest of the day I have been overly sensitive and on the verge of a meltdown. I can tell that T is worried but I just can’t snap out of it…
hopefully tomorrow I will have a better outlook on things.
Goodbye to the “Vroom Room”
Apr 6th
One last look at P’s room before it’s pink girly overhaul. I will miss this little room – even if P colored red crayon all over the mural!
I am sad to see it go but also really excited to start the painting process for baby girl’s room. I bought primer and paint samples today. I will post pics as the nursery transforms from the “Vroom Room” to a room fit for my little flower child.
Contributing Contributor
Apr 5th
Check out my latest Mom Spark post: No Brainer: Veggie Pizza. It was my favorite as a kid and is still one of my favorites!
Sharing a Room
Mar 30th
Last night was night 3 of the boys sharing a room and let me tell you what… I had NO idea that the transition would be this hard on them – and me!
The first night M woke up crying around 2am. I went in to console him and was all prepared to explain to him that sharing a room means he is a big boy. He didn’t hear a word of my motherly advice. Finally he calmed down enough to choke out the word “BLANKY!” His blanky, which he has not slept a night or nap without since he was 9 months old was missing. Some time in the chaos of the boys pulling all the sheets and blankets off their bed, stuffing pillows into corners and dumping all the clothes out of their dresser Michael some how managed to misplace his blanky. Shocker. I searched through the piles of clothes and blankets (all the while cursing the fact that the boys had messed up their new, freshly made beds (that T put together that afternoon) with the sheets that THEY picked out at Target earlier in the day – not to mention all the clothes I would have to refold and put away) and his blanky was no where to be found. However, P’s blanky was in the heap of mess. I looked over at P who was on his bed sleeping peacefully through all of the chaos and realized that he had M’s blanky. This meant taking a blanky from a sleeping 2 year old. I tip toed up to P, which now seams ridiculous because if he hadn’t woke up with all the fussing and crying, why would he stir at the sound of a few footsteps walking toward him. I tapped into my Mission Impossible stealth mode and swapped out the blankets with out P even noticing! M was grateful to have his blanky back and settled down quickly. I walked out of the room feeling triumphant and like the best mother in the world. I shut the door to their room and the SECOND the door softly clicked closed a chorus of cries from both boys began.
The second night went much better.
Last night sucked. I got a total of 4 hours of sleep. P got even less.
We have 15 weeks to get this figured out before baby 3 comes along. I am beginning to understand why my parents chose to remodel the entire basement in my childhood home so I could have a room of my own. They were good and forward thinking parents!
Contributing Contributor
Mar 29th
Check me and my How To: Make a Rag Quilt! post out at Mom Spark today!
It is a great quilt for a first time or beginner quilter. Easy to do and fast results!
Signed Sealed and Soon to be Delivered at Home.
Mar 12th
Tonight we meet with our midwife and sign the papers. The papers that say yes I want to go natural. No I don’t want to use pain meds. Yes I know how crazy this sounds. No I don’t want to have this baby in the hospital. Yes I realize there are risks and yes that scares me. But NO I will not back down. Decision is made. I am signing the papers. I am going though with it. And I am 98% sure that this is the right choice.
Still up for debate is whether we will have the baby at the midwife’s birthing center or if we will have a home birth. I am still leaning toward home birth but all the logistics of it still cause me to waver.
BYCMTSU: M asks for help
Jan 15th
For the past half hour T and M have been standing in front of the toliet like only men can do. Standing. Waiting. Finally M looked up aT T and said, “Daddy it is broken, can you fix it?”
holding back laughter T replied, “No M, you have to fix it yourself.”
M contemplated this a while longer than sat down on his toddler potty. Because sometimes all you need is a change of scenery. This didn’t fix the problem either, but I will count this moment as a huge success.
This is a giant step, like Neil Armstrong walking on the moon step forward. M is 3 1/2 and usually won’t even go into a bathroom. He wears a diaper until it is so soaked that is hanging off of him and as soon as you take off his diaper he demands a new one. He is not interested in being potty trained. Hopefully tonight is the kick start of our final attempt at potty training. As soon as M figures out how to “fix his problem” I think we will be in business!
I Feel Fat
Jan 4th
I am now 13 weeks pregnant and my belly is growing. I didn’t start with a flat belly – far from it. So when my waist starts expanding from the budding baby in my belly I don’t look glowy and cute. I look fat. I look like I ate too many Holiday goodies which is so far from true. I was too sick to even look at the goodie tray. It isn’t fair.
I have never been thin. I am Scandinavian through and through and not that sexy kind of Scandinavian like that one woman from the Lord of the Rings movies. I am broad shouldered, big boned and built to with stand tough winters. I am more like a Nordic Viking woman than the fantasized about blonde bomb shell with a Norwegian accent. I do however have blonde hair, really great blonde hair. That is the one Scandinavian trait that looks better when pregnant. My hair shines. I may look fat but damn my hair looks good.
I feel fat. I am in some maternity clothes but mostly I am sporting the sweat pants. A lot of sweat pants. A whole lot of sweat pants. I don’t think I have worn pants with buttons in about 4 weeks.
I just want this awful first trimester to end. I want to feel better. I want to look pregnant and not fat. Mostly I want it to be Wednesday. Wednesday is when I can refill my nausea meds. Making it through to Wednesday is my new goal….
Fallen off the Edge of the World…
Dec 21st
or at least the edge of the world wide web!
I am at my parents for the first leg of the Holiday Triathlon of Travel. We have 2 houses to hit this year but one that we will go to twice (ridiculous- believe me. I know!) It totals to just under 30 snowy, black ice, cartoon watching, scanning for deer, cracker munching, Gatorade drinking hours of driving this year. Did I mention it is all in the span of a week? Why we do this to ourselves and our little boys (not to mention the baby in my belly!) is beyond me. Making my family happy shouldn’t require this much effort.
I always feel like I need a vacation after the holidays are over. I know I am not alone in this, but this year since I did the first leg of the trip sans my husband (he will be catching up with us on the second leg of the journey) I feel like I am alone. I want to vent to my husband. I want him to hold me and tell me “I told you so!” That is how much I miss him right now… I am admitting he is right!
Anyways… Usually we would have internet for the whole duration of the Holidays but the internet was out at my parents. Obviously, it is up and working again. The one good thing about not having internet- all the time to take great photos. I will be posting a serious DPC catch up post tomorrow.
Check back (probably mid afternoon-early evening) for 4 belated pics and 1 pic that is actually on time!
