I have been so focused on the negative (and negative again) lately that it has been tough to see anything through rose colored glasses.

I have been impatient with my boys and even worse, I have been distracted. I have trouble being focused and staying involved in the day to day stuff with the boys. I don’t even notice when I go into a daze while I am playing with them. But at the slightest twinge in my belly or something something down there, I am brought back to the present. Only then do I realize that I have been choo choo-ing the train over the same few tracks for God knows how long.

I finally broke down, stopped the google searches, stopped reading all the pregnancy test false negative stories online (there are hundreds to be read) and called my Doctor’s nurse. She told me there is nothing to worry about and that the Doctor doesn’t need to see me unless another week passes without a period BUT if I wanted to schedule an appointment to get a blood test, for my own sanity, then I could call back on Monday.

Well she said it, my sanity is at stake, so Monday morning I am calling to schedule an appointment. I just want to know! Those 5 words have been mumbled, sighed, screamed and whined for 2 1/2 weeks straight!

Two and a half weeks.

I keep thinking I must be pregnant, I have cramps, I have nausea, I have exhaustion…. I do not however, have a plus sign.

So until they draw blood and confirm either way, I am focusing on the positive. I have to. If I am pregnant, it isn’t good for me to be stressing. And for my boys, I have to focus on them. I may not have a positive pregnancy test, but I do have two other positives.

One likes to wash dishes.

the other likes to play Mary Poppins

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