Thoughts
Posts tagged family
Birth Story Part I
Aug 9th
On July 26th I had a Biophysical Ultrasound to check and see that Baby Girl was still doing good. Going into the appointment I was nervous. I worried about the baby and I worried about my birth plan. I had heard multiple stories of pregnant women going in to a 42 week Biophysical Ultrasound just to be rushed off to the hospital to be induced or even sent for an emergency C-section. I really didn’t want that.
T gave me a pep talk when he dropped me off for the ultrasound to remind me to stand up for myself and our birth plan. Biophysical Ultrasounds take anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour. We knew the boys wouldn’t sit through that so T took them to the park while I looked at swirly black and white images of baby girl. It is too easy to be scared into doing something you don’t want to do. My plan was that whatever the ultrasound read I wouldn’t make any decisions without contacting my midwife and T first.
The ultrasound technician was really nice and very thorough. I went in thinking, “This will be okay. She is fine. She is moving around a lot. She and I have both been healthy the whole pregnancy with normal weight gain, she always had a strong heart beat and my blood pressure was always really good. Everything has to be fine.” I wished that T could have been there to hold my hand but someone had to watch the boys. Everything was going really well. She was measuring right where she should have been. Her heart looked good. My placenta was still doing what it should. I still had enough amniotic fluid. Everything was checking out until the tech started counting practice breaths. Baby needed to take 3 practice breaths and the tech wasn’t seeing that happen. I could see the tension growing in the tech’s face as she ordered me to lay on my side. When that didn’t work I had to chug water. When that didn’t work she brought me a mini candy bar to eat. Then finally after a few very long, anxiety filled minutes and the sugar kicking in Baby took the all important practice breaths. She took all three. She got a perfect score. Thank God the pep talk wasn’t needed.
Baby Girl was fine. More than fine actually, she was fully cooked and ready to come out. When the tech asked me if I wanted to know how big she was measuring I nodded with excitement. Baby was healthy, nothing more could upset me. All news from then on out had to be good. The tech hesitated and then said in a very forced optimistic way, “She is measuring in at 9 pounds.” NINE POUNDS! I left the clinic feeling relieved that baby was okay but with a whole new set of worries…. all I could think about was that number. That number haunted me. Nine. NINE. NINE FREAKING POUNDS!
T and the boys picked me up and we headed for home. It was time to start a whole new game plan. Baby needed to come out before she got any bigger. Because NINE POUNDS is a big baby. NINE POUNDS is a huge baby compared to the boys who were 7 pounds 15 ounces and 7 pounds 1 ounce respectfully. I called our midwife and scheduled an appointment for the following morning. It was time to start what my midwife called “the heavy hitters.”
I made the obligatory call to my mom (her and my sister left on the 24th) to try and ease her nerves which at this point were grating on my nerves. She disagreed with or choice to do a home birth. She wasn’t even that supportive of the whole midwife thing – however she, to her credit, she did try and hide her doubts. Her nerves and constant questioning and lack of trust and respect of our choice to have a home birth pushed me to the edge that day. She was starting to show her true feelings about the process we chose. Doubt and more questions were the last thing I needed then. I was short with her and quite rude. Our normal 1/2 hour- 45 min conversation was cut to a crude 3-5 minutes. I couldn’t take it any more. T was so good through this. He intercepted phone calls and told me not to worry about her and that everything would be fine. I love my husband. He really is wonderful. With out him I would not have been able to get through any of this… granted without him I wouldn’t have been pregnant in the first place. I reminded him of that fact whenever I was overly cranky, feeling uncomfortable or Baby Girl was practicing her karate kicks on my ribs. Like I said, he was (and still is) very patient with me!
I spent the rest of that afternoon resting and laying low just in case Baby decided to come that night. Secretly I was hoping she would wait just one more day because the following day, July 27th, was my birthday. Not just any birthday, my Golden Birthday! I really thought it would be wonderful, great, serendipitous, incredible and perfect if my Baby Girl and I shared a birthday.
She didn’t come that night.
I woke up the following morning to a husband sweetly whispering “Happy Birthday” to me. I got up, showered, shaved (cursing while I shaved for what I prayed was the last time having to do pregnant Olympic like moves to shave my legs.) and dressed all with a smile on my face because I just knew that Baby Girl was coming on my birthday, my golden birthday.
One Week Old
Aug 6th
I have been a mom of three for just over a week now. I know I don’t have the most realistic idea of what it is like to have 3 kids yet because T is still on paternity leave… I know things will get tough – some say impossible – when T goes back to work on Monday, but for now I am just going to relish every moment because three kids is incredible. I love my family of five. Now we just need to schedule an appointment for T to make sure we don’t become a family of 6!
Support System Gone
Jul 24th
Today my mom and my sister left.
T, the boys and I stood in the front yard to say our good byes to them. The boys were upset. My mom and sister were teary eyed and all I could manage was to give them a hug a choke out a quiet “thank you.”
I couldn’t even watch them load up into their car. They were leaving and driving the 9 hours back to their home. I knew they wouldn’t be here to see Baby Girl when she came. I knew they wouldn’t be here to help with the boys during delivery. I knew now that it was just T and me. I turned away as they walked toward their cars headed back into the house and straight up to the shower. I cried and cried in the sanctuary of the shower for a very long time. A long enough time where my thoughts turned from feeling like I some how let my family down by not having the baby yet to feeling helpless and worried about logistics and then finally back to feeling guilty because of all the water that I was using to drown out my tears. When you start thinking about Al Gore and his power point it is time to get out of the shower.
The rest of the day I have been overly sensitive and on the verge of a meltdown. I can tell that T is worried but I just can’t snap out of it…
hopefully tomorrow I will have a better outlook on things.
Waiting for Papa
Jun 15th
This is a typical picture of the boys at 5:40pm when they are visiting my folks. The boys worship their Papa and wait every day at the window for him to come home. I remember when I was young how excited I was for my dad to come home. He would come home, pick up my sister and I and give us whisker rubs until our face were rubbed raw. My sister and I would squeal with excitement. This happened every week day at 5:40. After the whisker rub he would put us down and change out of his dress clothes. Dinner was served at 5:45. This is the way it always was and that is the way it still is. I love that when I go back to my parents house that we all fall into the old routine. I don’t get whisker rubs anymore, but the boys enjoy a big Papa Bear hug with spins and tosses in the air. We still eat at 5:45. Some things never change and I love that about my parents home. I hope to create memories like that with my boys.
The Wonder and Magic of Technology
May 31st
M has become fascinated with my cameras. He loves to stand behind me and wave his hand in font of the camera or my phone and watch his hand on the display screen. I believe he gets this fascination from me. Every since I was little I was baffled by technology. Even now as I type this post, I have no earthly idea how what I am typing goes from my screen to the world wide web and then somehow gets on to your screen. My husband has tried to explain, but I don’t really care to learn. To me television will always be transmitted via tiny little specs of colorful dust like on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I used to yell at my little sister for standing in the way of that dust because I thought she would ruin the picture on our TV. I think M will be like that. He doesn’t have the desire to know how everything works like his father and his little brother. P is 2 1/2 and already you can see his wheels spinning as he deconstructs something trying to figure why and how it does what it does. P is just like my husband. I prefer to stay in the childlike wonderment like M. I don’t want the magic to be ruined. I don’t want to see the wizard behind the curtain or the puppeteer pulling the strings. M and I will always have this in common, P and T will always be the opposite. I can’t wait to see which way the scales will tip when Baby Girl comes along. Will she prefer magic to logic? Who will she be like, M or P, T or me? Or will she be a breed all her own. It won’t be long before we find out! Six and half weeks and counting,
30 weeks
May 4th
This morning as my wonderful husband, T, was stretching out my still sore calf (I had THE WORST Charlie Horse on Saturday morning and I am still sore and stiff from it!) he told me that he had a nightmare last night. He rarely remembers his dreams and when he does, they usually involve aliens or zombies or something along those sci-fi/video game lines. Not last night though. I asked, “What happened” He replied, “Our little girl got stabbed!” I was surprised at the subject of his dream, but all I could think of was, was she as cute as I imagine her to be? did she have adorable little pig tails? did she look like me (both the boys look like mini Ts)? I was able to reign in my my stream of ridiculous questions long enough to say, “Oh how scary…” He went on to explain that some one had broken into the house and gotten into her room. The whole time he was sharing the details of his dream all I could think about was how anxious and excited I am to meet our little girl.
Will she have lots of white blonde hair like M? Will she have a receding hairline like her father and P? Will she have my features or will I give birth to another mini T? Will she grow up to be a girly girl or a tom boy? Will she love or loathe the name we painstakingly chose for her?
I pray for her to be healthy. I pray for a safe delivery and a easy labor. I pray that her brothers are kind to her and that P adjusts to being the middle child with out too many problems.
I spend my days with my mind wandering from present day to the future. I imagine what it will be like to be a family of 5 (plus our mutt). I envision the chaos of trying to get 3 kids into the car. I fear having to wrangle 3 kids under 4 years old all by myself.
I am apprehensive. I am nervous. I am so many things but most of all I am so excited to meet my little girl. I can’t wait to hold her, to look at her, to snuggle her, to take a thousand plus photos of her!
Practice Makes Perfect
Feb 2nd
This past weekend wasn’t all flashes of anger and questioning my parenting ability, there was some good times too.
M loves his little cousin and this weekend really set me at ease. He is going to be a fantastic big brother to baby #3. He is already a great big bro to P, but seeing him be so gentle and sharing so nicely with his cuz warmed my heart. He is ready to be a big brother again.
P, on the other hand, could have cared less about his cousin. He was jealous when I picked up and snuggled my nephew. P is sensitive and is a Mama’s Boy to the core. It is going to be tough road for him. It is going to be a tough road for me! Balancing his needs and a new born’s needs will not be easy! I envision P wrapping himself around my ankles and dragging him one step at a time as I try to pace and rock my new baby to sleep!
Giving Thanks
Nov 25th
I am thankful that tomorrow I have a turkey to cook for my family. I am thankful for our health. I am thankful that I have a TV to watch the parade on and most importantly the dog show that follows the parade. I am thankful that my pies look eatable and that I decided to do stuffing from the box. I am thankful for the sweatpants I will be wearing as I stuff my belly with turkey day bliss. But most importantly, I am thankful for my family. For my incredible, patient, kind, loving and sexy husband. My energetic, creative, joyful M. My thoughtful, intelligent, sensitive P. And for my baby to be. My baby that is the size of a blueberry this week.
I am thankful, so very thankful, for my family.
Baby Makes Three!
Nov 17th
The long and short of it, I peed on a stick and the stick told me I am pregnant.
I am pregnant!!!
I mentioned it a few times (oh, about a 132 times) on twitter yesterday. And thank you again to all of you with the kind congrats and well wishes! It really was incredible to share the news so early.
I don’t really know what to say, but I know I want to say something….
We were trying to make this baby. Both of our boys were surprises, big surprises. It only took one month of “trying” and we got pregnant. I feel blessed. I feel lucky. I feel scared. I feel excited. I feel relieved. Relieved, that I don’t have to figure out the whole ovulating time thing. We didn’t think it would happen this fast… I feel pretty guilty about it actually. We knew if it happened in the first month of trying the baby’s due date would be close to M’s birthday. I crunched some numbers (and by I, I mean a calculator on babycenter.com crunched numbers for me) and if that calculator is correct the baby’s due date is July 11th, 1 day after M turns 4 years old. I feel guilty about that. I would hate to share my birthday with my sister…
The first month of trying!?! Really? Seriously? The first month?! I am still in shock. That shock however hasn’t stopped the impulsive maternity clothes shopping! I can’t help it. Summer and early fall maternity clothes are on clearance. Come months 7, 8 and 9, I will be needing clothes for warm weather. I will be a year behind in maternity fashion, but really for 6 dollar dresses and shorts, who cares!
Maternity clothes…. I am pregnant!
I am also going through the early weeks mood swings, that is probably why I am having trouble writing this. I can’t really stayed focused. I guess pregnancy brain has already crept in.
I have forgotten all the rules. What I can eat, what I shouldn’t. I ordered tofu today at Noodles & Company… is that bad? I don’t know! I need to dig out my dog eared copy of What to Expect When You are Expecting. Its my third time around at this, this should be easy. I feel like I am out of practice though. My youngest, P, turned two in October. It seems like forever ago that I was waddling around with a huge belly.
There are lots of things to be worried about, there is always something that can go wrong. But this time around, I am focusing on the good. I am looking forward to my growing belly. I can’t wait to feel him or her move. I am stoked to decorate the nursery and go shopping for bunk beds for the boys (how old do you need to be to sleep in one of those? I need to look into that!) I am excited for P to be a big brother. I am excited to share the news with our families…. I am not however excited to share the news with one friend. She has major baby fever but her husband doesn’t want to have babies yet… more on that later. I almost fell guilty, well maybe guilty is wrong. I do feel sorry for her though…
See, scattered brain. Pregnancy brain has set in!
So where am I at? I am pregnant. I am happy. I am shopping. I am planning. I am loving life. I plan on straightening up my diet. I plan on exercising so my bingo arms don’t get worse during pregnancy and so I don’t balloon up 40 extra pounds like I did the first time around. I plan to love every minute of this. I planned this baby. I am ready for all the ups and downs this time…. I think!
Man, I sound like a woman who has it all together?! Time will tell. Who knows, maybe this is just the upside of the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy!
Plus Sign Equals Family of Five!
Nov 16th
It took five negatives, but it finally happened. One little plus sign and my life is changed. Baby number three is on his or her way!
I couldn’t be happier.
I will be writing more about this soon, possibly as soon as tonight. For now, I just wanted to share the good news.
Oh and your welcome… I made sure to wipe the pee soaked stick clean before taking that photo!
