Thoughts
Posts tagged T
Father Son Love
Jul 20th
A yummy gooey treat.
I love my boys.
Not pictured my 4 year old, M. I believe when this was taken he was learning how to roast a marshmallow.
35 Weeks and Exhausted.
Jun 9th
I have entered into the blessed stage of sleepless uncomfortable nights. It isn’t even the consistant 4-5 a night bathroom breaks that keep me up now, it is the achy, uncomfortable, sore, stretched to the max, baby kicking me in the lady parts, baby kicking me in the ribs and of course not being able to find a comfortable position to sleep in that is keeping me up.
My pelvis feels like it is attached to some sort of medieval torture devise that my sweet baby girl has complete control over. I lay awake at night and picture her tiny little hands on this wooden crank. She is slowly cranking (and kicking me in the ribs simultaneously) my pelvis open to an unnatural position. She is trying to make her exit as easy on herself as possible while putting her mother who loves her unconditionally (so far) through an achy, painful hell.
My mind wanders as I make my 4 trip to the bathroom in 3 hours to Eve. I see her walking towards the tempting apple tree with that stupid snake hissing in her innocent ears. I imagine myself shouting at her, trying to reason with her… is an apple really worth all of this pain you are passing on to generations and generations of women? Why should we suffer because of your craving for a damn apple? WHY?
And finally as I hoist my swollen belly on to my side of the bed, I begin to curse my husband who is sleeping restfully next to me. He has no idea the pain I am going through. I give an exaggerated grunt and groan as I roll over onto my side. I think if I have to be up he should at least be slightly aware that the position that he put me in. He is causing me pain and discomfort. I become angry and spiteful and the only thing that calms me down is knowing that my tossing and turning and exaggerated groans and sighs are making him stir. Maybe in the morning he won’t fell 100% rested and he will be a bit groggy. Knowing that he will be tired and dragging ass makes me feel better. He will never know to the full extent how exhausting pregnancy is but he will feel tired. And that happy thought, knowing that he is in pain too makes me fall asleep with a content smile on my face. Misery loves company and I am miserable.
The Wonder and Magic of Technology
May 31st
M has become fascinated with my cameras. He loves to stand behind me and wave his hand in font of the camera or my phone and watch his hand on the display screen. I believe he gets this fascination from me. Every since I was little I was baffled by technology. Even now as I type this post, I have no earthly idea how what I am typing goes from my screen to the world wide web and then somehow gets on to your screen. My husband has tried to explain, but I don’t really care to learn. To me television will always be transmitted via tiny little specs of colorful dust like on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I used to yell at my little sister for standing in the way of that dust because I thought she would ruin the picture on our TV. I think M will be like that. He doesn’t have the desire to know how everything works like his father and his little brother. P is 2 1/2 and already you can see his wheels spinning as he deconstructs something trying to figure why and how it does what it does. P is just like my husband. I prefer to stay in the childlike wonderment like M. I don’t want the magic to be ruined. I don’t want to see the wizard behind the curtain or the puppeteer pulling the strings. M and I will always have this in common, P and T will always be the opposite. I can’t wait to see which way the scales will tip when Baby Girl comes along. Will she prefer magic to logic? Who will she be like, M or P, T or me? Or will she be a breed all her own. It won’t be long before we find out! Six and half weeks and counting,
30 weeks
May 4th
This morning as my wonderful husband, T, was stretching out my still sore calf (I had THE WORST Charlie Horse on Saturday morning and I am still sore and stiff from it!) he told me that he had a nightmare last night. He rarely remembers his dreams and when he does, they usually involve aliens or zombies or something along those sci-fi/video game lines. Not last night though. I asked, “What happened” He replied, “Our little girl got stabbed!” I was surprised at the subject of his dream, but all I could think of was, was she as cute as I imagine her to be? did she have adorable little pig tails? did she look like me (both the boys look like mini Ts)? I was able to reign in my my stream of ridiculous questions long enough to say, “Oh how scary…” He went on to explain that some one had broken into the house and gotten into her room. The whole time he was sharing the details of his dream all I could think about was how anxious and excited I am to meet our little girl.
Will she have lots of white blonde hair like M? Will she have a receding hairline like her father and P? Will she have my features or will I give birth to another mini T? Will she grow up to be a girly girl or a tom boy? Will she love or loathe the name we painstakingly chose for her?
I pray for her to be healthy. I pray for a safe delivery and a easy labor. I pray that her brothers are kind to her and that P adjusts to being the middle child with out too many problems.
I spend my days with my mind wandering from present day to the future. I imagine what it will be like to be a family of 5 (plus our mutt). I envision the chaos of trying to get 3 kids into the car. I fear having to wrangle 3 kids under 4 years old all by myself.
I am apprehensive. I am nervous. I am so many things but most of all I am so excited to meet my little girl. I can’t wait to hold her, to look at her, to snuggle her, to take a thousand plus photos of her!
29 Weeks and Dressed to Impress
Apr 28th
My poor husband. This morning while getting ready for my midwife appointment, it dawned on me…. I spent more time getting ready this morning than I have spent getting ready all week- combined. I showered. I shaved. I plucked my eyebrows. I put on makeup. I actually did my hair! I put on a flattering outfit. I even spritzed myself with perfume. All of this for the midwife. Not for my husband who has to sleep next to me at night. Nope. I did it for my midwife who sees me once every few weeks.
I spent more time putting together an outfit that looked like I am cool and trendy and pulled together and smart and more than just a SAHM in sweats and a look that didn’t look like I was trying to hard, than I did picking out an outfit for my husband and my date night last weekend.
Why is this? Why do I feel like I need to impress this woman and her assistant. She will see me at my most vulnerable, my lowest of lows, at the peak of my pain tolerance, she will see how I groom myself…. I should be comfortable enough to look like I do every day, right? Wrong. I want to look good. I want to not look like a swollen, gestating cow. I want to look…. I don’t know. I just want her to think that I can handle this whole natural birth thing. If I look like I can do it, maybe she will believe it and if SHE believes it, maybe I will start having a little more confidence in myself and this whole process.
I am choosing to have a baby AT HOME! If I can make that decision, I sure as hell better be able to at least pull together a clean and matching ensemble!
So yeah… my poor husband. You know what. No. Poor me. I am the one who has to push a baby out of my lady parts. If he has to see me in dirty sweats for the next 11 weeks than boo hoo for him. Maybe if he remembered to carve out some time to actually make it to today’s midwife appointment, he could see and smell the pretty, clean and groomed pregnant woman my midwife has come to know!
So besides looking, as my midwife said, “You look so Springy and I love your outfit.” and the receptionist even told me, “I love your hair that way!” other than those satisfying statements, it was a pretty normal check up. I am measuring 28 weeks, which is fine by me. I am not ready for this baby to come! So if she wants to stay in there an extra week, fine by me.
I also did the glucose Gestational Diabetes screening today. My midwife said that this is optional (which I LOVE about the midwife model of practice) but I opted to do it because of my weight. I never did loose the weight after M or after P so for that reason and the fact that I drink and am thirsty all day long, I opted to take the test. And let me tell you, this test sucks! After being on my healthy (my midwife is a nutritionist-which makes her a bit of a nutrition nazi) pregnancy diet for the past 20 weeks, the sugar rush that I got from the sweetened cola drink was dizzying and nauseating. It was so gross. I thought I was going to have to pull over while driving in my sugar induced haze… it really gave me a honest perspective of what that much sugar can do to your body. It makes me want to overhaul my family’s diet.
It took about an hour for the sugar rush to wear off and now I am crashing, hard. I am irritable, sleepy and have zero energy. I think I earned myself a nap. Wrangling a 3 year old and a 2 year old at the midwife’s office and the sugar high have left me spent. Time to nap… if only the boys would stop wrestling and actually nap during nap time. Oh well. At least wrestling during nap is better than poo flinging during nap!
Birthday Booty
Feb 3rd
Let me tell you a about a little something that I fell in love with at Christmas and again this past weekend. Settlers of Catan is the board games of all board games. T got the original board game for Christmas from one of his brothers. We spent hours playing it at Christmas with his family. Then this past weekend for his birthday he got the player expansion and the Cities and Knights Expansion from that same generous brother (and no, it wasn’t the brother that spanked M).
This game takes a good long while to play (think Monopoly) and even a longer time to read all the instructions and understand how to play – but boy is it fun! If you have a weekend evening to kill and a few friends who love to play boards games, buy a bag of chips and a couple of 6 packs of beer and Settlers of Catan.
Oh and in case you are curious, the large box wrapped in unseasonal Christmas paper was my gift to my husband. I am such a good wife that I got him a mini fridge to put next to his computer. So this way when he is killing aliens or saving the world from zombies, he won’t have to run upstairs while regenerating to get a drink or snack. Now all he has to do is reach over and grab his sustenance to refuel himself. The world is safer because of my birthday gift to T, not many wives can say that!
Fasten Your Seat Belts!
Dec 8th
My emotions are off the charts. They are going to extremes in all directions.
Two nights ago during our normal bedtime routine T and I were brushing our teeth at our double sink vanity. He has a sink. I have a sink. Should be no problem right? It has never bothered me before. We have been brushing our teeth side by side for years but something happened that night. Something snapped. I became annoyed and angry. Whatever he was doing, it was driving me nuts. While still brushing our respective teeth, I started glaring at him, giving him the “are you seriously cracking you jaw right now-you know that drives me nuts” look. He returned the glare with a “are you kidding me I did NOTHING wrong” stare. He spit, rinsed, spit again and said, “What?” I turned off my toothbrush (a recent thing for me-I love battery powered tooth brushes!) spit with resentment and anger and replied in all seriousness, “You. The way you were brushing your teeth, is pissing me off.” There was a split second of silence and he burst out laughing. After he caught his breath he stated in tone that matched my seriousness just minutes before, “This one has to be a girl. Boys don’t cause this much trouble!”
It took a few minutes, in fact it took a whole chapter of the latest Vincenzi novel I am reading for me to start giggling. The giggles turned to laughter. Laughter turned into snorts-which my husband says is cute and I love him for that. Seriously… I was so mad at him. Mad at him for brushing his teeth. He did nothing different than usual. He isn’t a messy teeth brusher. He isn’t noisy. My hormones took me for a ride and for some reason, T became the destination. He became the target.
My poor husband. He is so patient. As I type this though, I feel like- What the hell? Poor T?! I am the one with all day morning sickness that had me sitting on the toilet this early this morning holding a bucket. I am the one who will inevitably gain at least 20 pounds. I am the one who has to deal with all the symptoms directly. So really. Poor me! He can buck up and deal with a few mood swings… that is nothing compared to actually growing the baby in your belly! AND he gets to drink at all the Christmas parties.
Well… now I am angry and resentful again. A lot of good this blog post did me!
Giving Thanks
Nov 25th
I am thankful that tomorrow I have a turkey to cook for my family. I am thankful for our health. I am thankful that I have a TV to watch the parade on and most importantly the dog show that follows the parade. I am thankful that my pies look eatable and that I decided to do stuffing from the box. I am thankful for the sweatpants I will be wearing as I stuff my belly with turkey day bliss. But most importantly, I am thankful for my family. For my incredible, patient, kind, loving and sexy husband. My energetic, creative, joyful M. My thoughtful, intelligent, sensitive P. And for my baby to be. My baby that is the size of a blueberry this week.
I am thankful, so very thankful, for my family.
Parenting Windows
Nov 14th
There are few times in parenting where a window of opportunity arises. Some times the window is open for a few minutes, a few days, or even – in very rare occasions- a few months.
These windows come at moments when they seem to be needed the most. When you can’t handle anymore, a window cracks open.
Some early windows comes to mind. Those first few weeks and months are tough. There is no sleep, the learning curve is very steep and stress levels are high. But there is one thing that I wistfully remember now that my boys are 2 and 3. Immobility. You put a baby in one spot, leave the room, come back and the baby is still exactly where you put him…. what I wouldn’t give for that now – especially at put on coats, hats, mittens and boots time!
On the flip side of the immobility window is the relief of mobility. Just as those sweet, chubby, little babies start to turn into chunky, wiggly, heavy as hell almost toddlers and the thought of carrying them another step makes you scream they start moving. My back is still sighing of relief.
Maybe these parenting windows are just another reflection of 1 Corinthians 10:13. God will give us no more than we can handle.
Whatever it is, tonight my husband and I pried open a window that was, to our surprise, ready to be opened.
We went out to eat – with the kids! And not just to McDonalds or other fast food joints with some variation of an indoor playground. We went to a sit down family Mexican restaurant (my stomach is gurgling and moaning as proof). We ordered off the menu for the boys. They served the boys milk in kiddie cups with lids and a straw -Read this as: We didn’t have to worry about not having sippy cups with us! The boys sat nicely while requesting pictures to be drawn with the restaurt crayons, vroomed their cars and munched on chips. When the food came they ate. THEY ATE! And even more remarkable and noteworthy, T and I ate, at the same time. Were weren’t juggling spoon feeding, entertaining or strapping them down we were eating as a family! All four of us at the same time. The same time!!!
Towards the end they were growing a bit impatient, but not before T and I had finished the bulk of our meals (if I ate any more I would have burst). T winterized the boys and headed out to load them into the van while I paid the bill.
This is new to us. I don’t know how long this window will last, but we plan on enjoying is as much as we monetarily can.
I love my Husband. I love this Photo
Nov 3rd
My husband and my boys. He is a fantastic father. Always playing with the boys, but he is also very good at laying down the law. He is the perfect father and an even better husband. I am blessed to have him as my partner in life, my best friend, father to my boys, my lover, my companion, my support, my encourager, my…. so much more. I love him. My boys love him. This photo reminds me of all that. I love this photo.
